Solo show is fast approaching

The artwork for upcoming show....and I'll be setting up a link over the next few days for a live video feed from the studio...

Up coming art show 29 Jan - 11 Feb

art plans

I've been back in Melbourne full time for almost six months, and I starting to find my feet in the art world here.
Apart from the two major solo shows I'm putting together for next year, I'm planning to write a curriculum for a series of art workshops. These will focus on the creative act, creativity itself and explore such concepts as the artistic muse, spontaneous creative practices and put into practice the creative art theories of others. I'm planning to run these as a day long workshop from my studio in Melbourne. They will consist of some formal training/teaching but still plenty of room for discussion and workshop activities.
I'm also planning to give away a series of 9 or so small oils of canvas I painted a few years back. More details on this later via twitter. @virtuejofern

why I left my former art studio...

I've spoken on this subject before. The dangers of those inexperienced in the art world, who decide they want to be part of it.
Usually it's because they have money and can own galleries or art studios so they get themselves a stable of artists then proceed to behave like total tools, eventually driving you away.
This is what happened in my former studio, the landlord was a total fool who had some very archaic, stereotypical and false ideas of what artists are really like and, more importantly, what they need in a studio space. They think these kind of people think because they have cash, the buildings etc, they are instantly involved.
This landlord kept hanging around, his first mistake. He keep sticking his nose into everyone's business then gossiping.
Secondly, he really believed that all artist are sex crazy maniac's that will do anyone, anywhere and therefore kept coming on to me. ( he was really creepy)
Thirdly, he rented the studio out to me with 24 hr access and attempted to put my rent up 50% because he said I was using it too much...WTF!! I use the studio all the time because I work a lot you fool!!!

Manallack St Art Studios, can't say I would recommend them. The landlord is the most unprofessional tool I've met in the last few months... But the art world is full of them.

My new studios great ...here's a link to them http://www.latrobecollege.com.au/studio.htm

Nurting Genius- Putting the monster in it's cage

Yesterday, I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert ( http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/ ) speak on nurturing creative genius. Listen to the talk here http://tinyurl.com/b6hs2k

Listening to her speak has lifted a weight of my shoulders, but at the same time, made my life more complex. I'm relived I thought I was the only one struggling with what I call "my monster", otherwise known as my creativity. You see, I create because I have, I have no choice as it bursts up from inside my being and I have to get it out into my art or it will kill me. ( I know this sounds dramatic but that is what it feels like, it feels so dangerous)

After I finish pieces of work I say the same comment every time "that's better out that in" as once I've got it out of my system, I can return to normal. And it's not all horrible, it will produce pure moments of bliss in my creative process. However, this powerful creativity feels like it is not me holding the brush, I feel like I have little control over the process once I start creating and when I stop working and look at the art I just created and feel like I'm waking up from a dream.

Last week I read an article about how scientists have found the gene that is responsible for schizophrenia is almost the same as the gene that stimulates creativity.
http://tinyurl.com/nepntn

You know who was not shocked, ME!!! I could have told them how close to madness creativity is years ago. We should really remember the Dali quote " The only difference between me and a madman (sic) is I'm not mad.

Many artists say when they create they enter another world, this is what we are talking about, it is the mad world except artists know it's mad and a madman (sic) does not. For example, I get totally obsessed with my muses, I let myself believe they can feel the power of the creative adoration I direct at them and this creativity can effect their lives in some way. But realistically, I know it's not part of the real functioning world, it has a creative truth but it's just not part of real, everyday life and should never be acted upon. So I would never dream of stalking them or invade their privacy in any way. A m use is important to creating great work but it's a fickle "relationship", often, I just wake up one morning, find them boring and move onto to something else.

My point is, I believe most artists know where to draw the line. It is a necessary to wallow in the mad ways as they create the best art, it's where the 'monster' lives.

So where does all this insight, science and advice leave me? I guess feeling like a bit of a freak, and frustrated that I've really had to deal with this powerful creativity on my own for many years. It's hard when you don't have ordinary problems. For example, My creativity often keeps me awake, and, because of this advice, from health professions regarding my insomnia can be pretty much useless, being bombarded by powerful creative inspiration is not a common cause for sleep problems. Common in artists maybe, but not the general population.

Yet this article and talk has made me feel relived , hearing Elizabeth advice how she handles her creative demands and passing on advise from other musicians (Tom Waits) about how to handle these intense creative moments has made me feel like I do fit somewhere and others are coping too. We are OK.

Both Elizabeth & Tom suggested to treat your creativity like the external force that it feels/behaves like, which is what I've instinctively done over the past few years. It may sound a bit crazy but it works, my favourite saying is "I keep my monster in a cage of rational behaviour" which allows me to see my creativity as the force that it is and be able to rationalize into submission when I need to. I found I had to do this as it was causing problems by creatly inspiring me at an inconvient time. For example, I was being woken at 3am with a complete poem in my head and couldn't settle till I wrote it all down. Only to find I'd wake an hour later with another one. I made "deals" with my monster, I asked it to come back at another time, then made time to write the poem later and this way I found I can "open the door" pretty much when I chose. And the work is just as good. It doesn't work all the time but it has helped enormously.

The advice of Mr Waits ( bless his little heart ) was to" speak" to this creative impulse and tell it that it is inconvient at this time and to come back when it's not. He's right, it eventually works. My attitude to my creativity is we have to do this together, as a team and I think that is what he was doing as well, It is a team affort, Elizabeth went in detail about this too in her talk.

But all this complicates life, it's like I have this mad, dangerous part of me and when I do let it out it is a extremely powerful experince and downright weird. For example, lately I have found myself closing my eyes while I'm actually painting. ( I call this the Stevie Wonder effect)
Also, I find I have to walk for at least an hour to "come down" from a painting. Frankly, this sort of behaviour puts people off and I can't say I blame them. It's hard to have a social life when I walking around blathering about being stuck in a painting, letting out "my monster" or painting with my eyes closed. Or, one of my other favourites, taking small pieces of my art to cemeteries and photography. Most the room goes silent when I drop that into the dinner conversation.

But my creativity brings out such wonderful unique insights and that's one of them. But the unique scares most people and they don't know how to react. It's why I have trouble selling art, when other artists are doing brisk business with their more stereotypic work. I guess my work is not ever going to be popular, but that's ok, I happy with it and I can't do popular, usual or follow the crowd. I'm just not good at it.

So I feel I've reached the point where I sigh and say "that's better out than in", thanks for sticking with me to the end of my carthetic rant. And I hope I've enlightened you to how the artist mind works. Please remember, we all need to nuture this genuis, it's so very dangerously special. Thanks for reading...Virtue

You can buy my prints@ http://tinyurl.com/mvqse5
For those who like a twitter @virtuejofern to follow my tweets

Developing current creative directions

The windows have always been red, yellow or blue. Next step will be all three colours on each piece. I'll start three new windows over the next week. I think they'll look great.

It'll be something like crossing the beams!

Yes well ... We will see

Apparently I can send stuff to my blog via email on my iPhone. Did it work ?

I am wreckage hear me roar no 6

The new wreckage piece worked really well this weekend. It's all about energy.
Energy is so vital to creating and I was so full of energy I worked so easily, and so well.

The last studio session my output was amazing, I drew some pieces for the repetitions, worked on the new wreckage piece (3/4 finished) and did a quick preliminary photo shoot. I'll have to re-shoot most of these new pieces but the quick shoot developed the ideas behind the work. The art in cemeteries photo series has now expanded to art on graffiti, doors, and lane ways.

I put some of these new photos on flickr to get feed back, lots of views but not many comments. They're not as popular as the wreckage series, I think they're perhaps a bit weird. Popular is not always good, most of the time it can be down right crap. Perhaps they're a bit to contemporary. Still, I thnk they have such potiental.

Anyway photos of the wreckage piece soon. New preliminary photos on flickr. I'll be puting them up all week after I've processed them in photoshop.

Should I quit working full time?

I've been really worried lately because my office job contract is up for renewal in 9 months time and with this current recession I've been told that they aren't resigning contracts at the moment. I get paid really well in my current job and so, intially, I was not too happy about this news.

But this morning I woke up with a radical idea in my head. I could move into my studio for a while and therefore afford to be a full time artist again. Granted, I'm going to be broke and sleeping where I work, it will be rough and I have no nice house to go when I'm finished working. But I'm getting so much great feedback about my art and it's all starting to happen for me again.
I really think I need to make the sacrifice. I'm missing too many opportunities because I don't have enough time for art. Ok, I'd be broke again, but I'm used to living like an artist, I've done it many times before and I'm pretty good at living on very little money.

I really need to focus on my art, beside I can always go back to work, it's not going to be a recession forever. Scary thought though, all that nice money I make, gone , but really I think it's the right time to quit full time office work. So I think I will just walk away in 9 months time. It would be absolulte heaven to wake up each day and say what I am going to create today.

I am wreckage hear me roar no 6

I'm painting this piece tomorrow. The subject of this one is energy & creativity. The following lines are preliminary thoughts about this.

I need a great deal of energy when I paint and this energy has to be from the soul.
I need pure forms of this energy and if I get purity, the painting becomes intensely universal.
My energy levels change radically when I'm painting.
I become hyper sensitive and everything seems so much more vivid, my senses work at a extremely high level, it's why I become so drained. It takes so much energy to maintain this state.
Intially I start working because I have too much creative energy and I need to release it but eventually it does drain away.
I need someone in my life who understands this and can cope with this.
It's not a choice I have to creative, it's like breathing.

Things to do

The list of deadlines or need to do very soon.

*edit, rework & produce a poetry book with all the poems I've written over the last 15 yrs. To sell at art shows
*send off selected images to three galleries for either small solos/ group shows/art fair
* write up three larger solo show proposals by next week.
* do another location photo shoot for art in cemeteries, one of the above solo shows.
*reshoot about ten of so piece of art for all these proposals
*reorganise all my art images on a new online art sales gallery. Including readjusting all the file sizes...YUK!
* finish 8 repetitions, 4 wreckages paintings
* stay sane
*still keep up a full time office job

My iphone just keeps on giving

I went to an art opening last night with a friend who kept telling everyone there I was an artist. I usually don’t promote myself like this, and it was actually very helpful. Consequently I was being asked what my work was like and my dear iphone came to the rescue. I had a few images on there so I ended up having my own little electronic show right in the middle of some one else’s opening. It was great & very cheeky. I will be putting more on images on my iphone for the next show I attend. I love it…free art audience, free wine and free food, what more could you ask for?

Predicting people again.

It occurred again today, I dreamt all night about someone and the next day this person appeared in my life unexpectedly. OK, this is a regular occurrence for me. Dream it and it happens, although not every dream does this. Probably about one in every fortnight does. It makes me wonder why my mind does this? It seems to working in a non temporal manner, it gets time backwards. Mostly, when I dream something, then it happens the next day, it’s not really a significant event, it doesn’t really have a deeper meaning, I’ve predicted some really stupid stuff in my dreams.

E.g. I once dreamt I could see this strange blue water behind glass, I had no idea what it was. The very next day I walked into a room and was face to face with a fish tank that has a light that made the water exact blue. It’s like my mind just got the time round the wrong way but what a stupid thing to predict.

Although this still doesn’t explain how I can sometimes know what people are thinking, I don’t think I can explain this at all. I do wish I could harness this ability but I can’t control it at all. And when I try to do it I can’t. I really think it just comes with my creativity, my creative mind is very unique and weird thing, compared to the way I think on an everyday level.

Poetry drafts and journal pieces

This is the plan!

This first piece in the Repetition Triptych series and show. (This may eventually be called the Repetition Game Series, I'm still thinking about it)

Basics
There are nine pieces similar the image above.
There are 3 red, 3 yellow, & 3 blue repetitions representing the primary colours.
Each Repetition has, nine round collage pieces.
The collages pieces are numbered 1 -9 and have lines of poetry or prose written by myself.
Each set of 9 collages pieces are named; the seconds, minutes, hours, days ,weeks, months, years decades, & centuries.
The ink work between the collage pieces and coloured squares is repetitious but draw by hand.

Multiple Hangs
1 The temporal order hang: Pieces are hung in order of of seconds to centuries
2 The primary order hang: Pieces are hung in a sequence of red, yellow, & blue x 3
3 The primary order hang 2: Pieces are hung 3 red, 3 yellow, & 3 blue.

What does this do? It produces different narrative flow in the written elements of the works, catapults the colours to produce new ways to interpret this series. Each hang should create a new narrative and new colour interpretation. I'm planning to exhibit this show over three weeks and change the hang every week. I'm really interested in art in exhibition spaces that are not static and not completely still. I like the way this show can be viewed 3 different ways.

Analysis, meaning and ideas about content

Non-organic, bio-morphic with movable parts.
Uniform & repetitious juxtapositioned against the unique and the original.
The repetitious elements become more expected and familiar as they repeat, which make the unique & original expressions even more specialized and out standing.
The act of repeating is an attempt to industrialize, to make the work mechanical, but at the same time it automatically suggests an endlessness, the eternal, and a universality.
The human, the man made and all industrialized human activity within the endless, eternal, ongoing state of nature.
The repetitions mirror nature's repetitive creations- we are all the same structure, body parts, & beings, but we are, at the time, individual, unique, and original.
Words are the voices and the vulnerabilities of the human condition and the human struggle.
So it becomes the mechanics of life in a universal endless flow where every body just goes on talking as time passes.
This series is a Neo Romantic vocal abstraction.

Words

Seconds (red)
One second...Discouraged by the sycophantic
Two seconds...Disillusioned by the lack of imagination
Three seconds...Frozen by the predictability
Four seconds...Repelled by the mindlessness
Five seconds...Dismayed by the blind devotion
Six seconds....Concerned by the lack of critique
Seven seconds...Sickened by the hype
Eight seconds...Unable to reach through to the art
Nine seconds...Who knew perfection had a time limit?

Minutes (yellow)
Minute one...A study in devotion
Minute two...Completely devoted
Minute three...Part-time devotion
Minute four...Physically devoted
Minute five...Occasionally devoted
Minute six...Intermittently devoted
Minute seven...Paradoxically devoted
Minute eight...Obsessively devoted
Minute nine...Not devoted in the slightest

Hours (blue)
Still to be written

Days (red) Pictured above
The beginning...Dark creative passion
Day one...Black reflection
Day two...Wrong body
Day three....Alone we can do this together
Day four...Surging perfection
Day five...Dreaming the same dream
Day six...Is your heart working?
Day seven...Smile while its melting
Day eight...Belief without fear

Weeks (blue)
Words posted shortly

Months (yellow)
1st month...Adjusted my past attitudes
2nd month...Resigned myself to work hard
3rd month...Realised deep passion was found only in the soul
4th month...Created brand new expectations
5th month...Proved my uniqueness
6th month...Rejuvenated my commitment
7th month...Pressed the repeat button
8th month...Patted myself on the back
9th month...Attempted to wallow in his crap but failed

Years (yellow)
Year one...Surrendered
Year two...Surrendered
Year three...Surrendered
Year four...Acceptance
Year five...Acceptance
Year six...Acceptance
Year seven...Compliance
Year eight...Compliance
Year nine...End

Decades (red)
Words to be written

Centuries (blue)
Word to be written

Wrong Body

I really have had a huge creative breakthrough this week. My singing has been blocking really badly over the last 3 years or so, I start bringing it into my art practice, then it blocks. It has really been difficult.
Now I'm singing everyday and feeling so good about it. It's giving me goosebumps again. I working on a Tom Waits song called Flowers Grave and I'm intending to develop an visual art work as I'm interpreting the song vocally. I'm really excited about this creative development, I'm beginning to love my voice again.

My weird creative art world.

My art’s become very troublesome again. The more significant each piece gets the more it takes on a life force of it’s own and produces work that predicts events or produces some fairly weird telepathic moments or synchronizes with other peoples art or make statements I don’t really want to before I’m aware of the situation I’m commenting on. It drives me crazy and I can’t really control it or turn it off.

I know it’s part of an intense creative world, one many artists talk about, which at least makes me feel I’m not on my own with this. My creativity opens this world up to me and the bigger the painting the more it opens up.
The problem is this isn’t a temporal world. That’s the real problem, as far as I can figure, it does and says things before they are due. It scares the shit out of me and it has done it again. I’m not going into the details but my art made a statement about a situation I knew nothing about at the time of creating it and had I known, I would not have said it.

My art needs to explore this creative world it is the cornerstone of my art practice. I go along for the ride, it’s the way I create significant, multi layered art pieces. But then it catches me out. I remember once when I whole room of people fell silent, because I walked in with a finished piece of art that was in a brief they wanted me to do, the problem was they had not given me the brief yet, and I had no idea it was getting a brief. It was really horrible. My creativity gets it all backwards. It does and says things before they are due.

The piece of work causing the problems this time, is the Red Repetition of the triptych. The blue and yellow pieces are currently in work. I’m going to finish these, and leave them going in this same direction as the red piece as they are mostly done. I already have an idea for the next repetition in this series, but this time, I’ll be focusing a very different subject matter in vasty different direction. No more musing, it just gets far too strange and when my own art work begins to frighten me, I need to focus on other creative directions. I’m developing two others so it's not a problem.

Still, I’m surprised the Repetitions did this, I was just saying to a colleague how logical and easy the pieces were to creative, especially in comparison to the “wreckage “ series. How wrong was I? 

You can see these pieces on my flickr site...link to the left

Tonight's Rant

I’ve been a bad mood all day because I’ve had dealings in the Melbourne art scene this week and it’s got to me again. I really try very hard not to let these people make so angry. But they do. Oh God they do.
Why do these art people have to be so unprofessional? Why do they think they have the right to take such a nasty and rude attitude with me? And this was just the admin staff. We create the paintings/art that allow them to have fucking stupid jobs in this industry and without us they would more than likely be working in a supermarket. I really deserve a little more respect and I want to be treated in a professional manner. She was such an vain bitch, it was unbelievable. This lot wouldn’t know professional if it ran over them.

I had dealings with these so called art professionals last year. I had a nightmare meeting with them and it was one of the worst I have ever had to endure. One woman sat doodling on her note pad with a glazed look in her eyes while the other guy gave me a lecture on all the other brilliant artists he could think (most of which were popular and very conservative rather than brilliant) and taking almost zilch notice of my work. He gave me a lecture about correct art storage/transport as apparently I was not transporting my work properly. And finished in a patronizing tone reminding me that even if they decided not to proceed with my work I should always remember I was still an artist. Fucking tool. I was hardly going to be crushed and give up my art practice because of him, what an ego. Most professional artist’s are very used to knock backs, it part of a normal art practice, 20-30 knocks before you get a gig is quite normal even for the talented, it’s the way the system works.

At one point I almost just got up and walked out but I didn’t want to play into their stupid little game so I stuck it out. Worst thing is I have to deal with twats again over the next few months and all their immature ego trips. Honestly, not all art people are this bad, there is professional behaviour in the Melbourne art scene, but still, there are many like this. I’ve know artists who have put in art proposals only to have them returned with comments so unnecessarily horrible, things like being told they have no colour sense, suggestions they need art lessons, all sort of crap, these people just love to crush them. And I know quite a few that have stopped painting because of it. This industry seems to attract a significant number of insecure , immature dickheads, desperate for attention with out of control egos.

Any wonder I love showing my art on the internet. Ok, you don’t get to see work “in the flesh” but when I exhibit in galleries I would only have 200 or so people go through. I get that number and more per day online. Along with such encouraging feedback and support. People are nearly always friendly and not full of shit. The internet has such a vibrant art community.

I’m happy showing my art electronically. I hope the internet can really threaten the bastards, next time I deal with these fucking tools, I will be mentioning the numbers of people viewing of my art online, the global presence I’m part of and all the wonderful feedback I get. What can they offer? Two hundred people, high commissions, gallery charges and a pretentious opening in one city. Hopefully, it will make them feel inadequate. Two can play at this game.

And there ends tonight’s rant, that is much better out than in.

New Assemblage

I've had the line 'One foot in the badlands" stuck in my head for the last few days. When this happens I kind of know it's either a piece of art or a poem struggling to get out.

Today I realised One foot in the badlands is a new assemblage, a style that I've been messing around with for a couple of months and I think it's finally coming together.

I've been mesmerized lately with bill posters. I love the multiple layers of them, their impermanence, and the way they are often ripped or torn in some manner. I walked past a wall that was always covered in these things and someone had attempted to clean it up but not done a very good job of it. What they had left was multiple and ripped layers of bill posts, It looked absolutely amazing and I was so inspired by it. Fucking awesome. Really amazing. So there will be some pasting and then ripping off and pasting again, of copies of selected original pieces. Can't wait....I love ripping up my art...

Further, I've been wanting to photograph drains and metal grates on the street so I think this will be another element of these pieces. These pieces will be exhibited on the floor. This one one has a "base board' but it will be an assemblage of layers of work.

And later, I was walking to the studio from work today and the thought popped into my head,
" why don't you spray paint on these". I got really excited, being lover of graffiti, I think it's going to have to happen. I've wanted to use tinned paint for a while but I could never find the right work to do this on. Guess I can now. I really can't wait.

So this will leave me with 3 styles/directions. The Repetitions, I am wreckage hear me roar series, and these.

This will be an awesome mix and a great new experiment in my art practice. I'm starting this one on Saturday.

Sensitivity

I've had three weeks of my office job so I've been painting pretty much non stop. I've been doing 4 day bouts at the studio in Melbourne and mostly it's been great. I'm relaxed and rested, I've slept in and done what I wanted to. Drunk leisurely coffee at my favorite cafe, gone for long walks, spent time with my kids, it been good.

I've written poetry, something I haven't done for some time, painted some great pieces and significantly pushed my art direction up quite a few levels. Not bad for three weeks. However, it's pushed my sensitivity level to everything around me to a much higher level too. The down side to my talent. I know this has been increasing over the past weeks but today it's been particularly bad. All my senses are just taking in far too much, I can't ignore what I usually do and I've become hyper sensitive to my surroundings. Noise annoys the crap out of me as do other people. I'm more sensitive to light and color. I get so over stimulated, I need to be somewhere quiet and dim. I hate being over stimulated. My mind works more quickly and I'm just overwhelmed by the simplest things. Not to mention the other more unusual 'abilities' or 'senses' I sometimes experience, I find myself predicting stuff, knowing what people going to say, and I think I might be picking up on other peoples emotions. It was driving me insane.

Normally, I'm ok with this, I find a way to zone out, I play games on the iPhone, I find walking stops it or if it's later in the day I'll have a drink or two which dulls the affect. (I'd rather do that than take drugs.)

This morning, on the way to the studio from my house in the country, I got stuck on a train packed with over an excited football crowd for the hour + trip. It was horrible. I couldn't zone them out. Fuck my head is still buzzing from it all. This is the shitty side of being creative.

Anyway I ok now, I'm at the studio and it's really quiet. I've got a uni paper to edit that will dull it all down. Tomorrow I'm back at the office, the monotonous, boring office, that will give me some routine back and lower my levels of sensitivity. Other than that, I'm not painting today, I'm just going to do stuff here and maybe go for a walk.

I'm starting to feel human again. The painting and words make it worth it though.

addicted

I've become addicted to painting & drawing. I've given up my demanding friends in favor of more convenient ones so I can spend more time creating and locking myself away in a studio. I always feel so guilty about this but it's about time I stopped and just do what I want. It's a talent thing, when you can do what I can do, why would I want to do anything else. I need to stop giving myself shit about this.

Endlessness

there is no end
there is only movement
through this
backwards and forwards
there is no finish
only continuity
driven by the heart
propelled by life
jolted by what we desire
all these moments should be loved
from the vulnerable and the lost
to when I run my fingers through your hair
they are all our moments in this endless flow

virtue jo fern
18.4.09 12.4opm

Trashed studio and a hangover

Shit...I am wreckage hear me roar no 6 ... this one really hurt...I'm wiped out , hungover, I couldn't sleep and I needed serious numbing so I drank too much...not a great idea...I need to go home and sleep in my real bed, enough painting for the next few days...This series really takes it out of me...that was only the first paint on No 6...only 4 or5 more to go...don't want to think about it...I'm too tired...

My Iphone is driving me crazy

I went down to Richmond in Melbourne today on the way to the studio, to buy a cheap sofa , I was looking for this particular shop that sold such sofas. I'm not really that familiar with Richmond and I ended up lost.

Bloody I phone! It's has been slowly getting more erratic day by day, won't play music anymore, it's not letting now when I get emails, strange stuff.

So I'm wondering around Richmond and I realise I'm lost. I get it out and type in the address for directions. First it tells me there no service. I'm in inner city Melbourne for fucks sake! I turn it off and on, about 6 more times and suddenly it comes good, service at last. I pump in the address BUT it only downloads the two pin heads, one green and one red and a nice purple line between the two and NOTHING ELSE. no map, no street signs, just a nice grey blank screen.
This is not very helpful!
So I turn it off and on again, and again, etc. No, still just the two pins heads and the nice purple line! AND NOTHING ELSE! it would be ok if I could see two GIANT FUCKING PINS IN THE STREET TO GUIDE ME!!!
I tell you I was standing in Bridge St Richmond Shaking the fuck out the thing. I then took to asking people on the street and no one knew where this address was. I was thinking, just go to the studio, forget it, It's got far too hard!!!
And I looked down and it had downloaded the map! Bloody device!

So the outcome, I have a new, cheap, slightly damaged ( it's a studio sofa!) but very comfortable sofa arriving on Thursday.
The bastard device is going to the I phone hospital sometime this week.

What is wrong with people?

I'm into my second week of vacation from my day job, on more week of bliss left.
This morning I laid in bed watching TV until midday. I'm not used to watching daytime television, but over the last few days I've seen a bit. What strikes me the most about this time slot is it's almost all about celebrities. Nearly all of it and it's about the same three or four celebrities too. I can't understand how people can really be so interested in this, to me these celebrities seem to be no more than untalented attention seekers. Are people that bored?

Ok, TVs not the most meaningful medium but is fucking needs to raise it's standards above what they are! My god, they are really scraping their arses along the ground. It's total crap. I read a theory not long ago which suggested the cult of the celebrity was a powerful capitalist tool and I agree. It sells. It's like being invited to an exculsive party but one you can never attend. People must feel part of this bullshit world when they watch this crap.

Still, I can't understand how they can be so unimaginative and pay so much heed to this pap. So I'm not watching TV in the day time again. Ever. I like my brain cells intact. The more I watched the more brain cells died off, I could feel them suiciding.

Back to the studio tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to it. Plenty to do...Plenty to do...And hopefully new collage pieces up on flickr/red bubble. I'm also starting work on a new assemblage piece which is going to further the artist style of this series and seriously explore the subject of my creative muse in much more depth and detail.

Landscapes

I'm in the mood to draw some landscapes with oil pastels. Landscapes are something I like to draw about once or twice a year. I'll go up to the old cemetery in town it's got great gardens and the mix of stone textures is great. It's such a beautiful day. I'm starting to feel so relaxed I should take more time off my day job...wish I could but I need to eat and keep a roof over my families heads

Manallack St

I'm so tired, I finished working for 5 days in the studio. It was very productive. I've worked ut new directions for the Repetitions and Assemblages. I realised my recently created pieces have significantly improved because my styles has matured but the important thing was they had such intense subject matter. These things are both very necessary to keep my work moving up levels.
But for now's it's time to relax...

It's Finished

I am wreckage hear me roar No 5

New blank piece of paper in the studio for no 6 100 x 100 cm , I'm staring at it right now...

Manallack St

A day at the studio...From the top... I am wreckage No 5 (Childhood) Almost finished. I'm hanging it so I can study it before I do the final paint. Because these pieces are spontaneously created I need to take some time with it before I do the last paint. Below it, I am wreckage hear me roar no 4 (Muse) which is finished but on the wall for reference oint. I have packed away No's 1.2.3 in this series as No's 4 & 5 have really taken a huge developmental step forward and, although I still like these early pieces, they now seem immature and lacking.

To the left and on the floor and three new collage pieces, the words for I am wreckage hear me roar No 6 (not started yet). along with three new repetitions.

I'm glad this art sorted iteslf out over the last day or two. I'm finding my creativity very hard to handle sometimes. It overwhelms me. The more my art develops, the more pain and pressure it causes me. I've pretty much been emotionally all over the place for the last two days. I feel better now becuse I got it out of my system. But fucki t's getting hard to deal with sometimes. I feel bad about locking myself up in a studio for two days, ignoring everyone. I am very happy with the creative results but I cant help but wonder what this will lead onto.

I read a book the other day on Classic & Romantic art, it was mainly about all he significant artists on the romantic/gothic art movement. I see my own habits, attitudes, and creative obseesions in these guys. At least I don't feel so on my own. If they survived so will I.

So time to sleep. I'm sleeping in the studio tonight, I'm too lazy to go home. I love my studio. I've had enough.

Train Journeys

On my way to the studio in Melbourne. I got the station in Ballarat and I realised I'd left my purse behind so I had to turn around and walk back home to get it. It could have been worse, I could have to all the way to Melbourne before I realised it was on the kitchen table. Still, I knew if I hurried back I'd still make it in time to catch the train. So I rushed back ony to find the train wasn't running now. Melbourne trains are a fucking joke. Really! As soon at it either rains, which it was this morning, or it gets too hot, the whole system grinds to a holt. I'm glad I'm on holidays from my day job, I'm not too stressed about. I'm sitting in a cafe drinking coffee and eating toast instead. I'll give them an hour to sort themselves out and try again. I miss my studio and Im really want to finish my lastest painting.

Prose I wrote in May 2005 and reworked over the past two day

Ghost Man Hiding.

The path winds past tombstones and onto the house. Old house, heavy with dust. Parts of the interior had never seen the light. Long forgotten. He lived in this house in spirit only. He was hiding.

When he was younger he would sit inside an old wooden box in the corner of the first floor room. He would sit for hours, still and quiet, his hand on its lid that leant against the wall. This was before the house was forgotten and before the darkness engulfed it’s rooms. From inside this box he felt his dark self could live, his light self could die peacefully.

Many years later he lay down amongst the musty old newspapers that lined the bottom of the box. Face turned upwards he would stare without seeing.


When he hears the footsteps coming he is soaked in a delicious feeling of danger and enticed by the courage of the approaching steps. He feels a sharp uptake of power owing to his clandestine position. Deep inside his box he wishes he could experience these lost feelings forever. But he can’t, the footsteps will eventually turn away and walk back. He will be still barren and still dead.

The path winds past tombstones and onto the house. Old house heavy with dust. I wander down this path never knowing where I’m really going. Or what I am heading towards. You lie safe inside your box with nothing to confess. Silent. You’ve nothing to hope for. Yet inside this dark death you have begun to feel. And if you lift the lid it would no longer be death, it would be life. The whites of your eyes would flicker and their black centers would see again.



I step through the front door into the dark. It’s not at all like I had once imagined it would be. There is no life in here, there is only death. But death is different here. It can move and it can see and it feels.
Unrestricted.

A dream is a ghost in your life.

So many of these. Ghosts, you could call them, but they have never been dead.

I ran through the unexplored house. I ran through the apprehension, and through the fear. 
Lurking, he was always lurking. I stopped in a small room at the top of the staircase. It had a large, wide window with dusty cotton curtains. I flung them open and stood blinking. The window blackened almost to the top; moldy gnarled branches and rotting leaves blocked nearly all of the sunlight. Only at the top did it shine through, bleaching the ceiling but leaving the bottom of the room cold and dank. Nature was smothering his house in green. From this side of the glass it seeming so black and dirty but from outside it would have pure beauty.

Room now all unused. I walked past he dirty furniture, past the apprehension, and past the fear. He was still lurking

I see your coffin. I know where you’re hiding. I can lift up the lid and make you come out. Do you want me to?

Word and art...Virtue Fern. Reworked 1-2 april 2009

I am wreckage hear me roar nos 1.2.3.4.5 studio shot

My Tattoo Nightmare

I woke up at 5 am this morning because I had the worst dream.
I had this really crappy blue butterfly tattooed on my foot and I could not remember when I had it done or why? It was horrible. It was one of those cliched cheap tattoos and I was so upset. Some one kept telling me it was done by a really famous tattooist. I thought it was so badly done, it was terrible, imagine some one like me, having a crap drawing permanently displayed on my foot. I could not sleep a wink after that thought. I will never risk getting a tattoo ever!! Oh the horror!

It's nearly over!!

I've almost finished I am wreckage hear me roar No 5.

Thin gs to remember for No 6...Do a smaller version! I tell you 2 metres by 1 metre and it's sch an intense painting experience, he wreckage paintings always are..What was I thinking?
I'm really causing myself harm here, this bloody paintings hurting like all hell. Next one is going to have to be smaller (she says as she orders another huge piece of paper)
Can't help myself.

When I study this painting I go from thinking it's a beautiful piece of work to finding it repulsive. This is a good painting when you not sure which end of the poles it's sitting at. It's expressing both at the same time. It find of full of that opposing energy but it's a single entity.

Shit, I'm sounding like a hippy.

But, it's wine o'clock now.
I've got to work at my day job tomorrow but I'm coming back to the studio so I can finish this piece Wednesday. There's definitely only one days work left in it now.

Studio

running list

Apart form having to do one days work on Tuesday, I'm on holidays until the 20th April.

So heres' the list of art stuff I have to attempt to get done.

Finish the following pieces:

I am wreckage here me roar No 5
The rework of No 4
Finish the collage pieces for the new repetitions.

Photograph this series and submit them for possible group show and solo's.

Go on a new gallery hunt...I need to do some shows..the years half over and I haven't done any, nor have I entered any art prizes. Maybe look into organising my own group show.

Figure out whether I do this TV appearance, I guess I should just see what these people have to say.

Created 3 new windows for repetitions
Redo the first Nine in a line...I'm not happy with the canvas it went onto, it blocked before I could finish it...I lost the creative flow which means it's not right...It needed to be on paper in acrylic. It's a much faster painted and keep the energy of a painting flowing. So I need to rewrite and draw up the nine new pieces them extend these by putting the on a 2 metre piece of paper. They will hang vertically down the wall.

I want to create a writing site of some sort, I written some nuch poetry and prose and I sit's in studio doing nothing. It needs to be online...

This is all I can thnk of at the moment...Better get to work

Secret Muse

Sight
and deep inside
something moves. It
shifts sideways and stops.
Glance
caught and the aching begins.
I wanted to reach out and slide my hand
across your flesh. Slowly.

Warmth.
Your sharp souled eyes
glancing. This is not right.
Yet the want begins. Deeply
inside something shifts again.

Virtue Fern
26.03.09 8.30pm

To TV or not TV

I can get this dinky TV show to do a spot on me, and kind of about my art. Nothing's set in concrete yet, it's very early stages. I really don't know if I should do it. It's focus on my adoption as a baby and the search to find out where this creativity comes from...they love it, I'm not so sure. It's one of these really popular TV shows and I'm kind of thinking it would be good to do but then I thinking it would not.
It would explain a lot of stuff in my art and I think that's a good thing, the publicity would be good, I think! It's a very personal thing to do in public. I'm just not sure, I'll wait and see what they have got to say!! I hate being filmed. I really hate it.

My Lastest art paper

A Visual Analysis of Sweet Sorrow, a work by Rosalie Gascoigne

A Visual Analysis of Sweet Sorrow, a work by Rosalie Gascoigne

When describing the works of Rosalie Gasgcoigne, Edmund Capon maintains “Her work is inspired by the surroundings of her immediate landscape...” (Edwards p.5 1998). Sweet Sorrow, a work created from yellow road signs, is obviously inspired by her familiar physical landscape, yet it speaks just as powerfully of the emotional landscape and our human nature.

Commonly, road signs are warnings. These bright yellow signs are placed along the roads to assist drivers through dangers of traveling. This common experience of this cannot be forgotten when you view this work.Yet, this work expresses not of the dangers of road travel, but the dangers of the heart, love and the sadness instead. The words love, sadly, wed and sad are romantic ones which encourage an strong emotional response. This is not what we traditionally experience when we encounter road signs, we expect a common sense warning of a danger we can pass through if we concentrate and moderate our driving skills. Sweet Sorrow has a very different warning, and it’s message is unexpected. It is not the traditional view of a happy romantic union. The words, love, wed and sadly does not lie within the traditional ideology of marriage, it should be happily, love and wed. Encountering such an negative, or dysfunctional attitude on the “road sign” creates a significant tension between what we expect to encounter and what we are actually looking at. We feel challenged by this unorthodox “road sign” as our expectation of road signs are to guide us quickly and safely past simple dangers, a bend in the road or steep decent not a message that confronts our comfortable traditional beliefs about marriage.

Commonly, a road sign is read quickly as it usually encountered from a moving vehicle and responded to almost automatically, Road signs displayed short sharp messages designed to allow this. Sweet Sorrow confounds this traditional with a complex emotional message of love displayed within a practical, instructional road sign. When viewing this piece there is a tension between the need to contemplate the emotional message of love and sadness and the common experience of rapidly reading a road sign, heeding it’s warning and moving quickly past it. This work asks to be contemplated, it’s message is not expected nor easily taken on board. it is not the common view of love and marriage, instead of a romantic dream it speaks more of a nightmare. Yet the common experience when reading the road sign is to glance, take on board the message quickly, respond, and drive on past. Yet this work confounds this as instead of a simple warning or instruction that we can understand quickly and drive on past we are stopped. Instead we see the complexities of marriage and the possibilities of pain and sadness. Our comfort zone has been lost and we need to contemplate.

Sweet Sorrow has a very poignant message about our emotional human nature. The message present in this work, created from road signs, suggests a warning about the ignoring the great sadness that can occur within marriage. This work plays with the idea of public warning by challenging tradition within the context of a commonly experienced part of our human landscape, the humble road sign. Although this work does speak of the Australian environment it is still carries a far more complex message.


References

Australian Biography. http://www.australianbiography.gov.au/subjects/gascoigne/interview1.html Interview with Rosalie Gascoigne. Visited 19/.03.09

Edwards, Deborah Material as Landscape Rosalie Gascoigne. Sydney. The Art Gallery of NSW/The Pot Still Press. 1998.

MacDonald,Vici. Rosalie Gascoigne. Sydney. Regaro Pty Ltd. 1998.

National Gallery Victoria. http://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/gascoigne_education/ Rosalie Gascoigne Education Resource Visited: 18.03.09



I am wreckage hear me roar no 5 cont...

Another session on this painting, it is going really well. It's not as draining as when I started it, which usually happens.
This first painting session of any expressionistic piece usually hurts, I think It's because it so spontaneous, it all coming from a subconscious source, it gets really intense. But as the work progresses it gets easier, Logic and reason creep in. So I'm starting to enjoy working this one. I really happy with it. Both No 4 and No 5 took a huge leap forward.

I feel like my art is developing so well at the moment, the inspiration form my muse has stirred it up to this level of development. It's all working really well. I've got almost 3 weeks off from my day job soon. Fusk I hate having to work sometimes, I'd much rather be in the studio,

I'm looking to repeat some pieces.
Namely this first series of Nine in a Line. I'm going to do two things.
Firstly, connect these pieces more directly with the muse who inspires them, do something more 'purpose built'.
Secondly, as these are made of up of nine small pieces, ( indulging my addiction to things in groups of nine), these will go onto a large piece of paper, around 2 metres long, which will hang down the wall, I've been wanting to do this scroll like piece for a year or two now.

The original nine pieces in this series were put onto a large canvas, set in an oil painting but it didn't work, it's blocked. Just the other day I realised it need to be on paper.
Paper and acrylic is a faster paint, oil you have to wait for days for it to dry, and this is the problem, I lost momonetum painting it in oil paint.

Can't wait to get into the studio full time for a few weeks

I am wreckage hear me roar no 5 cont...

I was so very diificult in the office today. I didn't realise until I sat down to work this mornng, how much I was still being affected by this painting. Without sounding completely lame I was on a higher energy level, not good for working a day job, it was so hard to concentrate. This is the worst thing I find about painting expressionist work, you have to let it go, let your unconscious energy and creativity take over and then it so near impossible to put it back in the box. It such a power energy. One I can never really explain. It's why I sometime refer to my creativity as a monster, it feels like one. I was still in this creative mode, it took me until 2pm to start feeling human again. Through all this I had to keep working and not fuck up. What a challenge, I just wanted to scream.I was exhusted, not physically but emotionally and mentally...but now, my energy level has lowered and I'm tired...It's a great piece though, loads of potential even in these early stages...I guess it will be back to work on it on the weekend.

I am wreckage hear me roar no 5 cont...

So I got this fully blocked out today and made a start on he ink work. I'm happy thus far.

I went to my art history class at the Victorian Collage of the Arts this morning. The VCA always pushes me to my limits. I was told today that art is not about self expression. This blows the shit out of the above wreckage series which is all about self exploration and the expression of of my shitty childhood hangups, well, mainly about this.
No, according to the VCA experts, art is about what contemporary language is being used at the moment in importatnt art, what ever that it. I know about comtemporary art and I do take this language into account but when I go to these "in" galleries and look at this contemporary art, I am truely bored. It's dead, it's lifeless and it's dull, dull, dull. Well 90% of it. There are some glimmers of good art which can hold my attention. And you know what type of pieces they are, one's that have a true sense of the artist in them, one's with a true personal style, and an artist included in the piece. These show true talent, no true giftedness. The artist has ignored the contemporary and did what they wanted.

I have always known that good art is created when you do what you want to do and not what you should do.

Since my twenties I have always dreamed of studying at the VCA, It's one of the best art schools, and I actually am and at a gradute level, sometimes I still feel like pinching myself.
I can't believe I'm arguing with them....

I am wreckage hear me roar no 5 cont...

Almost finished the background paint, I'm about 2/3 s done. Next is the ink work and more detailed paint work. Anyway, I'm happy, it's a big piece but it just flowed, it was good session. Although I'm a bit drained from it. New paintings are always hard, they are so strange, new and uncharted and this tends to take it out of you. I'm not going back to Ballarat tonight, I'm just too tired, I sleep in the studio in Melbourne tonight, I love sleeping in my studio anyway...

I am wreckage hear me roar no 5 cont...

No 1 top left...No 2 bottom left...No 3 bottom right...No 4 top right

In the studio...I've got the 4 of them on the wall and a 2 metre x 1 metre piece of paper laying on the floor ready to paint No 5. Just before I let it go I want to write a bit about the these four. The interesting thing is No 2 and 3 seem to have lost energy, they are quieter paintings, they don't have the tangling paint and movement that No 1 and 4 do. I'm thinking these two may also have to be reworked.
I'm still so happy with No 4, It's really developed the series which is making 2 and 3 look like they are now lacking....Anyway...time to paint this monster....

This is how paintings start

I am wreckage hear me roar No 5

Since moving in my new studio in Melbourne I've been feeling torn in two ways. I'm swinging from happiness in getting a great studio finally and feeling a great deal of anxiety and pain from horrible childhood memories. The studio is in the area I grew up and it's bringing back memories I'd rather forget. I need to get this out of my system, and I need to focus on what I've just achieved and how far I've come since escaping Melbourne and the dysfunctional, mentally unstable adopted parents many years ago.
I've been wading through some dark waters this week, I've been feeling really down, overwhelmed by feelings I have felt for a while. 'My baggage exploded', triggered by wandering around Brunswick again. I love Brunswick, it's a bohemian nightmare, so I've got to deal with this stuff.
I need to paint this out of my system. This is the essence of this series, I need to take my wreckage, the repressed feelings, memories and create something perfect, beautiful.
I'm going to blog this painting the week before I start because these negative feelings are so powerful, the pain and horror I saw as a kid was terrible, the verbal and emotional abuse has left it's permanent scars but I have the ability to acknowledge this and turn it into beauty. I need to both write about this to get it out of my and to slowly diffuse these energy being these feelings as if I paint this with too much patho's and absolutly no rationality it will turn to a mess.
I've got a 2 metre by 1 metre piece of paper waiting, anything smaller won't work and I've taken Monday off from my day job so I'm holing up in the studio and I'm going to not only painting this out of my system, I going to find the beauty and perfection it.

It's the only way.

Creative individuals

Creative individuals are remarkable for their ability to adapt to almost any situation and to make do with whatever is at hand to reach their goals.
When we're creative, we feel we are living more fully than during the rest of life. The excitement of the artist at the easel ...comes close to the ideal fulfillment we all hope to get from life, and so rarely do. Perhaps only sex, sports, music, and religious ecstasy—even when these experiences remain fleeting and leave no trace—provide a profound sense of being part of an entity greater than ourselves. But creativity also leaves an outcome that adds to the richness and complexity of the future.

By: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

New studio

Finally a new studio, mine form today, I can live in a house now with no art work all over every floor in every room. It's just outside CBD in Melbourne...so i'll be moving in on the weekend...

Wreckage and exhustion part two

See image below..
I think this next piece in the I am wrechage hear me roar series should focus on how my artistic side destroys my everyday side. How it stops me having an completely everyday existence, which is good for my boredom levels as it's always interesting, even thrilling sometimes but it's bad for my social life. I get too intense and driven and it scares people off. Don't blame them I can be a bit of a maniac when I'm painting. But what can I do when it creates great art. I always seem to making the choice and art always wins, so does my creative eccentricities. I guess the drive is always too strong.

I ay have found a studio in Melbourne finally, I'm going to have a look tomorrow, the location is great but it's a bit more than I wanted to pay. we'll see what happens

Wreckage and exhustion

What do I expect? I paint pieces title I am wreckage hear me roar and end up wrecked myself. I've only just started to feel human again. This painting just totally wiped me out, it was a fairly big piece 100 x 70cm and I finished it about 7 hours, although focusing that intently for that time is really draining. I'm still a bit shocked by it, this piece has a life of it's own, it was a really intense creative process, typically these paintings are usually better quality and content, they also break new ground, but they nearly fucking destroy me.
I'll attempt another piece soon bt this week I'll finsh the 12 collge pieces and put together the 3 new Repetitions. It's an easy draw and not a manic, out of control, emotionally driven painting session. I need to build up some strength for another one of these.
With a new Wreckage piece, I want to do something that focuses on the destruction of the everyday, typical and average. I'd start from a personal position, my dislike for popular culture, my utter boredom towards the stuff most people find thrilling, Hollywood movies is a good example of this, I've no idea how anyone could find them thrilling, they bore me out of my mind. Lately, I want to scream when I listen to stranger's conversations around me they are so mind numbing, or maybe it because I have interesting friends? But this is the start point, and as these works are largely spontaneous and subconsciously driven, these issues should deepen and become more complex and universal. Well, that's the plan....

i haven't written poetry for 4 years, now I can't stop

i felt you
lightly
almost as if you weren't there

you weren't really there
no
but i felt you
you were soft
perfect
and simple
one thing
one small vulnerable wish
one simple hope
you went home and you hoped
such beauty can be never forgotten
now i can't fight
now i can't forget
your perfect loving moment
mine
and you thought no one was looking

Finished

This painting is scaring me. Some pieces just take on a life of their own and when I finish I'm left wondering what the fuck it is?? What the fuck is it? It's not a great image...it's a difficult piece to photograph...

two thirds finished

I'm really excited about this piece. I'll be finishing it this afternoon. It almost painted out but it needs more words added and a lot more ink word like the ink work on the left hand side. I love the newspaper words, it give it kind of a stalking edge. The I am wreckage hear me roar and wild pieces of art. I'm so happy with this piece. I've been trying to choose a piece for an upcoming group show in Melbourne, I think this is the one that's going in...It the best piece of created this year, although it is only March.

Muse and Mess

I've started a new art piece... i wasn't expecting to work on this series...I am wreckage hear me roar series...I had planned to do some other pieces but this piece just forced itself on me...and now I'm realising why...it's so instinctual and it's fucking great...and when I paint like this I feel so out of control..I love it and hate it at the same time as it's intense creativity....I'm half way through and I forced myself to stop because I was too tired to complete without compromising it's standard...honestly, it has taken this series to a new level...I'm really pleased with it...it's the result of my muse leaving town, he should do it more often...but the downside is the art is making me feel so restless and I'm full of this inexplicable inner pressure which is the second part of the paintng I expect...I want to finish it but I'm not going to...I need to rest before I do...this is the nasty part of creativity...restlessness and pressure form the inside... I jus want to sleep...wine will help me do that

flickr

Muse

Love palms
peace-d-
peace-d-
Left still it will fall back
back to you
it can fall backwards
it will always reverse
-in hand-
-in hand-
-in hand-
to fall backwards just look into the pool
of the other world
you stilled and silent
in the cradle of my white bleached bones
my dead palm
silent
death it holds
love death
I will my painted love palms to your sweet face
love

I want to live in St Kilda

Day job work has gone ballistic...it just too busy at the moment...I'm so very tired. I'm off work tomorrow and I'm staying close to home, there's a possible fire threat coming from Daylesford, which not far away.
With all this fire threat and traveling to Melbourne every day I think I'll move back to Melb in next six months or so. I want to live in St Kilda, I can run on the beach and dodge the syringes, and it would take 20 mins to get to work. It beats the shit out of boring Ballarat. I'm really over the place.
Even though it's heating up again, I'm planning to work on art for the next three days. I've got Repetitions to finish and some exhibition proposals to get in. And a group exhibition to do a piece for... I'm only ever really myself and truely confortable when I creating work. The rest of it's a sham.

Words for collage pieces

I'm working on the blue and yellow collage pieces this weekend. I aiming to finished three blue and three yellow. I've done a yellow and blue piece each so far this morning. I really like doing these pieces.

I'm really into the new assemblages I've been doing, so I'm going to take 3 yellow, 3 blue & 3 red and do some more. (See above)

I've been so fucking busy at my day job, s0 I'm drawing these on my bed , I'm too tired to move much today

Words for Red Collage Pieces (see above image)


The Beginning

Dark creative passion

Day One

Wrong Body



Day Two

Black Reflection

Day Three

Alone we can do this together


Day Four

Growing reflection

Day Five

Is your heart working?



Day Six

Dreaming the same dream



Day Seven
Smile while it’s melting



Day Eight

Belief without fear


Words for Blue Collage Pieces

Week One
Take me how you find me, I’m nothing you’ve known before. I’m so much more than you expected, well, can something unseen and inexplicable be expected? Perhaps anticipated? It’s complex and deep and not really dumb enough to fit in comfortably to the everyday. Is there too much to explain? Is there too much to forget?

Week Two
We live in the place where nonsense becomes reason and we smile as the changing irrationality fill ours minds then falls heavily at our feet. It is all too hard to explain, this world is not for the faint hearted. Brave.


Week Three

Inside your breath there lies a sweetly concentrated power which only reveals itself inside your slow pain-filled grin. But it’s grip overtakes you and then we are no longer alone. You don’t know where you are but you are safe.

Week Four
When you look through this window lost parts are found. when you smash through the window the sharp jagged glass will open your veins. Bloody essences will flow slowly entangling our creative finger tips. The door will always remain ajar for you.

Week Five
Inside the panting breaths lies soul rhythms which lock firm into the patterns of our lives. These must change. Like a kaleidoscope, shake the fuck, shake it good, keep trying all the patterns till you find one which works.

Week Six
The heart is fuzzy and warm on the inside, sweetly beating in time with yours. Slowly as the bloody essences flowing across my palm, entangle my fingertips I will my painted love palms to your sweet face.

Week Seven
Gurgling as you lie still on your back, you have not lost this game, you are still and hopeless because your just not seeing it correctly. to find the correct pattern look backwards and straight down inside. Hate really does blind you.


Week Eight
Backwards, into mud and confusion, you will tumble down the lost path. Nose sniffing for love’s slight breath. Tumbling, eyes squeezed shut, hands feeling your way you have traveled, you crawl. It’s not behind you. It’s not behind you.

Week Nine
Forward, along the way, I have finished wandering, I'm done with the questions so I’m still and quiet. My heart bubbles with colour and beats red with love. Your essence is carved onto it. I will sit this way forever, I will bubble colour across your grey.

Words for Yellow Collage Pieces

Year One
Surrendered

Year Two
Surrendered

Year Three
Surrendered

Year Four
Surrendered

Year Five
Surrendered

Year Six
Surrendered

Year Seven
Surrendered

Year Eight
Surrendered

Year Nine

Surrendered

THE VISION CONFUSED #1

THE VISION CONFUSED #1

Sit sideways still
stealing
a sideways glance

Wildness mists round the shining white edges

If you could see far past what you believe what you could see no one would believe that inside your longing heart sat the vision confused

And if I glance
I will steal your soul
from it’s center

If you could see past what you believe then your deep dark heart could function beyond

Two pools that reach backwards
into that long gone
that you do not portray
that you will never show

What if you could see far past-with a piece of deep dark heart that has no center but still beats

You liberate
while all the time
you dismiss repulse destroy me

Wildness mist around the shining white edges
heart in your own hands

Within the single heart beat if you could see past
this vision confused



From the Vision poetry series
Virtue Fern

VCA

I did this piece on the weekend. I really like this assemblage, it's 4 really old landscapes in oil pastel, with another old abstract piece and two the the ghost paintings with the nine collage pieces I've been working with laid over the top. I started nine collages pieces in blue and yellow and I think I will probably put the landscapes, ghosts etc together again with the new blue and yellow pieces. anyway...we'll see what happens.

Semester started for me again today, and even though I'm study at Graduate level, we had lecture & tutorial. First one I've done for a while. But it was still just as I was hard to stay awake, art history lectures are always held in a dark hall with lots of art slides to look at...how are we supposed to stay awake. I was very dozy towards the end.

Best comment in the lecture was a description of the majority of art works in modern art museums as being"wallpaper for the rich and famous"...very funny and very true. And the best art work was always found in non commerical artist run spaces...this is also very true. Last time I did the round of commerical art galleries in Melbourne I was bored to death and really pissed they had nothing to offer but convention, dull, safe pieces of work. I'm assuming most rich people must like safe pieces?? maybe they should buy from the artist run sapce instead.

I really would rather work a day job for cash than create pieces of art that are lacking so much. Rarely do you find an artist who can cross that commercial barrier and still do art that says something...good art should always push you out of your comfort zone, it's not much good if it doesn't. Experimentation & straying from the known is scary but it's where my best work comes from.
So enough ranting...I've been working in the office since 7.30am, it's been a long day and I'm tired

Assemblage

Assemblage is a recent development. I think it goes well with the repetitious elements of my recent work.
I used to really so into original art and it's uniqueness, now I like to take this original state and repeat it. I think it a bit of a post modern direction, its destroying the unique elements of the original piece but almost industrializing it. Turning it into something machine like. Anyway, it's really doing it for me. I'll do some more assembing today. I think I try and find some really old pieces and justaposition these with some more recents pieces.

Train Journeys

I'm trapped on a train coming home from Melbourne. I'm listening to the desperate needy 20 year olds, conversing at the top of there voices and hoping the entire train thinks they are cool. Unfortunately they are not cool, nor hot, but they are twats. They say like every second word, soooo every third, and they are driving me insane. I cant stand their unimaginative, crap. I'm putting the head phones on.

THE VISION CONFUSED #5

You sit- inside
and I fall ever towards you

In time and deep down within your heart feels such a fast loss
I never really knew this was mine
-Did you?

I will not suffer
and I will take myself- freed
but I'll fall ever towards you

Lost yet still looking in lasting intensity
builds right through this lost way and far beyond what others see to be fit and true-
Still looking can you see?

I’ve gone- inside
To fall ever towards you
I still cannot see
and I never do hear
I just fall ever towards you

In your last lost darkened
in deep time you pledged your very heart
promising never to leave your lighted soul
to stay within your straying mind
- do you always?

I fight – inside
Fall ever towards you
Leaving it all behind

and promising me the new
all
I fall ever towards you- still

Virtue Fern
14th June 2003

Black Paintings

This new black painting is killing me. Ive realised why I felt like utter crap all day , it's this paintings. It's got to all my hidden nasty insides.
If this is new window, then it's lost its colour and it's patterns and turned into a black nightmare. It has just occured to me that this can only be because it's coming from my crappy childhood and background, the one i escaped many years ago. This painting has put me back into what I call survival paintings. It's the type of paintings which clears out your soul and get down into all the painful bits. It's 5pm and I just starting to feel like myself again.
Yet it's a great painting. I haven't painted from this foul depth for a while. It's certainly suffering for your art but it is also very honest. Anyway, that's what I do. I express this sort of stuff. If I go on with these black paintings, it will hurt and i will feel like shit but they will be great pieces. better out than in.

Monday

I’m struggling to get my brain back into day job mode. I’m finding it so hard this morning. I so very annoyed with everything. I’m in such a bad mood, I really need a day to reflect on what I created this weekend, they were only a few small pieces but they have opened two new directions. The black piece is a new style of window, which is really significant; it’s a window with most of its colour removed. It’s a big leap for that series. Huge.
Doing art on that level makes me work on an intensely powerful creative level and I’m having trouble turning it off. I had bizarre dreams all night and slept really badly because of it. Normally, artists get to take it easy after these sorts of creative sessions, really, having work a day job straight after sucks. I need time to process and turn off that level of creativity, not be a desk dealing with all the stuff I have to do. It’s really hard and it hurts…

My weekend's work

What's on the studio floor, a heap of digital prints I finished processing ready for Repetition No 5 Red, I just have to glue it all together. There are 3 new paintings and photo pieces. A preliminary painting for a new series of paintings, I guess.

I've been fighting the urge to 'tattoo' or draw and paint on skin for while so I though I'd try some photos, I think these turned out far better than I thought, I was worried they would look really tacky & cheap but they don't, instead they look great. I like the way these 'tattoos" blend into the paintings. I finished one piece and I'll finish the other two next weekend.

The black painting is very weird. I haven't done pieces with black backgrounds for while. This one has black collage words: "Insert name here". They has painted in thick acrylic and scratched back to there paper base. I'm not sure what this will turn into, I think it will become series, my work usually does. They had a really strong creative push to paint them, usually pieces like have this strength are much bigger, nearly always oil, so this ones very strange as it's on 6 x 14 in. Guess I'll do some more in this direction and see what happens.

it's just too hot

Melbourne is in heat wave conditions...again. It is horrible, high winds and mid 40's, ( about 115 F for all you Americans). I stayed in the studio for as long as I could take it. I've been doing this experimental work drawing "tattoos" on photos. It turned out so much better than I thought it would. It looks so freaky but great.
Anyway, I was beginning to melt so I had to stop and escape to the local bar, it has the best air conditioning. This bar is only block away and, under normal conditions, I would never set foot in the place. It full of really straight well dressed people. They seem nice enough but I feel like an alien. I just came out of the studio, I guess I'm a bit disheveled. There's one other woman here who has a full sleeve of tattoos, seems to be a bit of a theme today, who is looking just as uncomfortable as I feel.
Nevertheless, I'm staying, it's far too hot out there. I'm just going to sit here in the corner and keep my head in my Mac.
They all get pissed (drunk not angry) soon and forget I'm here.
I'll post some of these new images tomorrow...I need more wine now