Monday, March 9, 2009

This is how paintings start

I am wreckage hear me roar No 5

Since moving in my new studio in Melbourne I've been feeling torn in two ways. I'm swinging from happiness in getting a great studio finally and feeling a great deal of anxiety and pain from horrible childhood memories. The studio is in the area I grew up and it's bringing back memories I'd rather forget. I need to get this out of my system, and I need to focus on what I've just achieved and how far I've come since escaping Melbourne and the dysfunctional, mentally unstable adopted parents many years ago.
I've been wading through some dark waters this week, I've been feeling really down, overwhelmed by feelings I have felt for a while. 'My baggage exploded', triggered by wandering around Brunswick again. I love Brunswick, it's a bohemian nightmare, so I've got to deal with this stuff.
I need to paint this out of my system. This is the essence of this series, I need to take my wreckage, the repressed feelings, memories and create something perfect, beautiful.
I'm going to blog this painting the week before I start because these negative feelings are so powerful, the pain and horror I saw as a kid was terrible, the verbal and emotional abuse has left it's permanent scars but I have the ability to acknowledge this and turn it into beauty. I need to both write about this to get it out of my and to slowly diffuse these energy being these feelings as if I paint this with too much patho's and absolutly no rationality it will turn to a mess.
I've got a 2 metre by 1 metre piece of paper waiting, anything smaller won't work and I've taken Monday off from my day job so I'm holing up in the studio and I'm going to not only painting this out of my system, I going to find the beauty and perfection it.

It's the only way.

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